Losing track of time..........

I suppose now that it's over 6 months, I'm finding it very hard to keep track of time.  *sigh*


I've passed the 15 kg mark now and I am happy that that milestone is under my belt (or should I say "not" under my belt!).  I have been convicted about my sugar intake again, and i know, even though I have expelled most refined sugar, the amount of maple syrup & honey I have is prob not so good, especially when trying to get the candida under control.  And with this in mind I did minimize temptations last week by not baking or making many sweets for the kids - I find when I cook, or make stuff, I struggle to control myself.  But then, of course, I had another dilemma, what to give the kids each day????  Yes, I did take an easy way out and buy some muffins and lamingtons from the bakery, and I wonder, what price my selfishness???  What should I be concerned about at the moment - giving the kids an unhealthy dose of refined sugar again, or keeping the temptations away from me.  I honestly don't really like muffins, so it is never an issue with me when bringing in "outside" ones.  However, baking them is different - there is nothing quite as appealing as a fresh, out-of-the-oven, crusty, homebaked muffin - and I'll always think: "better just check they're OK...."  


Now, I know a good argument would be - just don't give them anything sweet!  And I don't everyday, and there is always fruit each afternoon, but it is one of their pleasures I still like them to enjoy at times.  (And half the time I'm too lazy to think up creative snack ideas that they're not going to turn there noses up at!)  I do rice crackers and dip or cheese, fruit salad, natural corn chips, smoothees, and yoghurt - but I need more ideas.  Please post any ideas for this frazzled mother who is needing some fresh insight..........


My gym regime has changed a bit lately too - I am not doing any "weights" excercises or much cardio as such.  So what am I doing?  My PT has got me focussing on my "stabilizers" - the itty bitty muscles needed to give you balance and strength in everyday movements - mainly in legs and core.  So, my mornings are full of different "holds" - plank, lunges, squats, etc and precarious movements on balancing apparatus.  But, even without the boxing and dumbbells - my heart is crazy pounding, my legs seizing up excruciatingly, sweat pouring off everywhere and my gut so sore I feel it in every move!  However, because these little muscles are hidden deep down, I am not feeling so "buff"!  I am getting dragged down by my pouch - nothing seems to hide it, nothing seems to make it better, and nothing fits me so I look like the "success" I want to be!  Blah!  Now, if it really stressed me out, i could work better on my eating, and i could put my own extra excercise programs into place at home - but I can't!  And I think I know why.....


Once again I am looking at the world's view of me.  I am trying to feel lifted up by the ideals of others, and by standards that are superficial and worthless.   Just sitting here I am lamenting the fact, that once again, my time spent with God - soaking and seeking, has been frittered away again.  So instead, my soul starts seeking for man's affections, for an emotional high that does not come from glorifying and worshipping the Maker of the Universe, but from compliments - a temporary flush at best. And when you are self-seeking, pleasure is temporary, ups and downs more brutal, your confidence gets bruised and a loaf of nice crusty white bread looks soooo tempting, even though I'm not at all hungry. 

I long for the days when I relish time with God, my heart is singing, my time is used constructively and wisely, and food takes a back seat.  I love to get to the end of a day rejoicing in the blessings of the day, satisfied with exceptional self-discipline, content with jobs accomplished and acknowledging that my God is gracious in all things.  My time is so stretched at the moment, and while most occasions are joyful and enjoyable, some require so much preparation and planning, the stress becomes overwhelming and overshadowing, and I just feel unable and unworthy to finish a job properly.  But each day, I must continue to strive to rest in the Lord, accept His strength and refreshment, and perform in all things for His Glory!  And I will pray the same for you all........